Life, Death and Funerals...

I led a funeral service today. It was for a man whom I had been supporting in my role as a chaplain in residential aged care for the last several years. Let's call him "Paul"*. I had gotten to know Paul and his wife "Lola"* well over the last few years. They had been regulars at activities I run in the facility and I had grown quite fond of Paul. He was a man with a cheeky sense of humour, and we got along well.

Needless to say doing a funeral service for someone you know well is a challenging thing. However it is also an absolute honour. Though, I have to say, that any funeral service I am asked to do is an absolute honour. People often think I'm a bit strange, I'm sure, when I say that funeral ministry is one of my favourite parts of my vocation as a priest and chaplain. Yes it is personally challenging, especially when you know the person well. Yes it is emotionally draining. Yes it sometimes comes with massive family dynamic issues to navigate (thankfully not the case with Paul's family).

However the things which I value most about my calling to ministry are manifest in a special way with funeral ministry. It involves walking alongside those who are hurting, guiding them, listening to their stories, bringing comfort and pointing to hope. It means hearing the story of the person they love, learning who they were through the eyes of those who loved them and knew them best. It means being invited into an intimate knowledge of the person, their family and the impact they had on the world.

In the realm of everyday life we so often operate at a very superficial level. The sad truth is that it is often not until we are dealing with death that we truly begin to contemplate the depth of love we have for those in our lives, or the love they have for us. It's so often after the fact, that we realise the massive impact people have had in our lives, and in the world.

Death is not something we like to talk about in much of the "Western" world. We tend to pretend it'll never happen to us, and if anyone brings it up they're accused of being "morbid" or bringing the mood down. However the reality is that death will come for us all. As we move into a world where our demographics are rapidly moving to an aging society, death is going to become more prevalent in the lives of our families and friends, not less. We need to re-assess how we prepare for death with our loved ones. We need to be honest and open about it, not so we can be "morbid" but so we can be ready.

Ready for what? you may ask... Ready to celebrate. Death comes to us all, and we need to acknowledge that by celebrating life. Today at Paul's funeral that's exactly what we did - we celebrated a wonderful man and a wonderful life. We gave thanks to God for love shared, lives changed, friendships, family and faith. Yes there was of course sadness that Paul is gone, but there was also joy that he lived, and hope for the future and the legacy he leaves.

Are you ready? Have you thought about your own funeral? Have you talked about death with your loved ones? Don't wait to tell everyone else how much you loved them when they are gone - tell them now! So I encourage you all, think about death, plan for it, not because you're morbid, but because you want to celebrate and give thanks for life - and the best time to do that is now.

Finally, if you have lost someone and are struggling I would encourage you to reach out for support. You can get support through Grief Australia or via the National Association for Loss and Grief (NALAG).

*names changed to protect privacy.